Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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