Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
