if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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