oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
