I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
