y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
