also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
