As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
