I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize