Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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