I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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