I heard we made out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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