So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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