maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
