Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The air was thick with penises
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
