i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
