I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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