Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
