haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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