Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
