I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize