Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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