I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i will never coherently bang her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This baby is an asshole
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
