people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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