Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
