I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
