she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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