Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i permit you to call me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
