I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
