thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
