i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
