I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize