Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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