remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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