Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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