I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
