If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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