You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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