Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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