"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
