she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
