i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
