It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
