if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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