thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
