Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
