I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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