I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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