I smell stomach acid.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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