1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
