threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
