you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
