im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think my mom watched the whole time
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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