On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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