The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My balls are so social today.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
