idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
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Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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