life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
